


Pity Does Not Lie Here

by I_am_a_Ruin



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Fainting, Hunk is best boy, Hurt/Comfort, Lance: anorexia, Langst, The others want to do their best, Trigger Warnings, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, lots of bad thoughts, potential very triggering, still surprised that's not a tag tbh, this is kinda crap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 10:27:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15628731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_a_Ruin/pseuds/I_am_a_Ruin
Summary: Ignore that title. It was created under a time limit! Basically just read the tags and tread carefully. Thanks.Lance is not okay, even though he says otherwise.





	Pity Does Not Lie Here

**Author's Note:**

> Vent piece I wrote with a really bad headache and then didn't proof because honestly, I don't think it's that good.  
> Yeah.   
> If this is content that could trigger you, please think twice about reading. Because the thoughts he's feeling are pulled directly from mine so... This could be really triggering.

Water, water, drink more water, just a little more, be strong and drink water. His head was aching, but he knew it was just dehydration. Or at least that’s what he screamed at himself to drown out the part of him that knew better. His head was fuzzy and throbbing and he just blamed late night gaming. 

“-and then Kaltenecker mooed and I swear Coran almost knocked the bucket over,” Pidge snorted at the end of her story as they approached the dining room.

Hunk laughed and Lance joined in even though he hadn’t really heard most of the tale. Pidge held the door open for them, still going on about some new entertaining thing that had happened while she was working on the castle defense upgrades. Lance made sure to pay attention, smiling and giving those little inputs at the right moments. 

Something she said triggered a memory and Lance interjected, “Oh my God, that reminds me. I’ll tell you when you’re done.”

They carried on like that for a while, waiting for everyone to join them. Shiro arrived looking about as exhausted as always.

_ You should be picking up some of that slack for him, you’re just wasting your time with this whole entire room. Just leave. You could be productive right now instead of this.. _

“Lance?” Hunk asked, and his head snapped up to meet his friend’s eyes. 

“Yeah?”

“Did you see Keith recently?” Hunk said it in that way that it was clearly a repeat and he was trying so hard to be nice but it still had Lance’s skin warming and his stomach swooping-

He shrugged with a small shake of his head, trying to ignore the sudden buzzing in his ears. “He’s probably just training. Honestly, he never does anything else.”

And speak of the devil, there he was. And sure enough, covered in sweat, hair pulled up into a messy ponytail. Keith apologized for being late and took his usual seat next to Lance. 

Shiro nodded at Hunk to bring out the food with a quick explanation of, “Coran and Allura are busy planning our next course so they’ll be eating later.”

It was some kind of red mush that looked very similar to mashed potatoes but smelled more like sunshine. It made Lance’s stomach lurch and he felt so compelled to just stuff it into his mouth. He took a long drink of water, felt it slosh down into his stomach in a satisfying way that still let him feel that dull pang of hunger. It hurt terribly, made that ringing sound in his ears and dizzied his vision but the hollowness was so  _ good.  _ A reminder of his  _ strength.  _

Next to the mush was a buttery colored slab of meat and it hurt trying to figure out the calories of all this alien food. It was painful to wonder if it even had a calorie content. It was digestible so it had to, right? It was better to just avoid instead of panicking over whether he had exceeded his daily limit. It was fine if he ate less, especially if the other option was eating too much. 

Lance felt like a statue, staring this food down and arguing with himself. He wanted so badly to just eat it. But he had no self control. If he ate, he wouldn’t stop. And that would mean several hours training and someone was sure to notice. And he could not let anyone fucking notice how pathetic he was. 

His fingers dug into the fat on his arms, a healthy reminder of why he did this. He  _ didn’t  _ need it. Just drink your water, it’ll be okay. Alright, maybe finish the water and if you’re still not satisfied, you can try to nibble on the meat. The others are looking at you, start cutting the food, stop pulling at the fat, you’ll just make them notice how gross you look and they’ll judge you. Lance, fucking pull yourself together obviously you can’t eat this crap. It’s just going to upset your stomach anyways, so it’s better to not even bother when you already feel good without it. 

He lifted his fork and applied pressure to the meat. His stomach gave a pained growl when it practically fell apart on the plate without much effort on Lance’s part. He shot his stomach an annoyed glare. 

“-se, Lance.  _ Lance!”  _ The sound penetrated the harsh ringing in Lance’s ears. He shook his head hard despite the terrible stab of pain in the back of his skull at the movement, trying to dispel the static. 

“Yeah?” He asked, lowering the bit he had started to raise to his lips, the voice quieting with a pleased purr.

Everyone was looking at him and it must have meant they’d been trying to talk to them. He was just so fucking tired. Maybe he could explain about his migraine and they’d let him sleep. 

He could feel those concerned eyes trying to read the emotions in his own. They’d never be able to understand that he didn’t even feel real panic over these kinds of things anymore. He just really wanted to sleep. His eyelids were heavy and he was cold. Maybe he was shivering? God, he wanted to be in his bed so badly.

He lifted that bite again, chewing slowly, waiting for the continuation to whatever conversation before everyone decided to try their hand at mind reading. Glances returned to their meals, Hunk asking if Lance was feeling alright.

He shrugged, giving a small, super fake cough that he had perfected forever ago. The wet slide of food down his sleeve had long since stopped being so gross. It was just the norm anymore. A necessary evil. “Actually, I’m kind of tired. Thanks for making dinner, but I think I’m going to turn in early.”

Lance stood, and maybe he just moved too fast or hadn’t drank enough water, but his vision went black like a switch had been flipped in his brain. He gripped the back of his chair tightly, feeling himself sway and the heavy pulse of his blood rushing all over the place, waiting for the dizziness to pass. It didn’t. He felt so hot, he thought he was going to melt, the throbbing rush of blood all in his head and neck and that really lightheaded, tingly feeling settled over him as his whole body turned boneless. He heard half coherent shouts of concern before it was all peace.

****

His best friend in the whole world hit the floor and everyone reacted with instant panic, jumping up to check on him but Hunk couldn’t move for shock. Lance was doing better. He drank lots of water and ate Hunk’s meals. He looked happier. Sure the last week he was a little ragged, dark circles under his eyes. But he’d been having nightmares. He promised everything was going okay.

But right now was not the time. The others didn’t know what was wrong. 

“He’s just fainted.” Hunk explained with a heavy sigh, trying to not let the hot rush of sadness in his lungs choke him. “Help carry him to the cryopods, he’s going to need one. And try to keep his feet elevated on the way.”

The others followed his instructions. Pidge and Shiro complied easiest. Pidge was too intuitive for her own good, saw things someone her age shouldn’t have to comprehend or be apart of but did. Shiro just trusted his team.

Keith, on the other hand, was letting his emotions control him. “If he’s just fainted though, shouldn’t we wait for him to wake up? There might be something the pods can’t fix or maybe he just overworked himself in training earlier or-”

Hunk wanted to just shout that Lance’s blood sugar was critically low and they didn’t have time for Keith’s arguments, but the boy still managed to dispute and follow instructions at the same time so he kept his mouth shut. For now. This was something he could explain better when everyone was around. He tried to ignore the twinge of guilt at how hurt Lance would be when he woke up. Lance couldn’t take care of himself anymore. He needed someone to speak for him now, advocate for needs Lance no longer felt worthy of.

He could see the confusion and worry at the readings the pod flashed, mirroring emotions he recognized more than he should. How many times had he been here before? And would this group be able to help this time around?

“There’s got to be something wrong with the system. That can’t be right. We should try a different pod, right?” Keith asked, thumb already heading towards the cancelation button. Pidge seized him by the wrist with a defeated shake of her head.

She was crying. And Hunk never ever saw her cry for anyone except for her brother. It made anger stew hard and cruel in his stomach that Lance hurt her like this. He had to remind himself that anger wasn’t going to solve this situation.

Keith stared at her in shock as she fell into his chest, whole body trembling. Hunk pulled the pair of them into a tight embrace before waving Shiro in to join them. They stood there, most everybody unsure what had happened but just appreciating the solidarity, the comfort of each other’s presence.

“Why are those numbers so low?” Keith finally asked, trying to be sensitive to Pidge’s emotions.

“He…” Hunk’s throat closed. He wanted to wait for Coran and Allura because he couldn’t do this twice. But how was he supposed to explain a human mental disorder to two aliens when he didn’t even understand himself? 

“Lance… doesn’t eat. A lot. Even when it seems like he does.” Pidge said, and it was the simplest explanation Hunk had ever heard Pidge use before. 

Hunk turned to watch the slack expression on his friend’s face, not capable of the others’ reactions to this. He was really used to being the only one willing to stick this out with Lance. The only one who could handle it, who didn’t commit and give up two months later when Lance was still fighting every additional pound and calorie. 

The other two didn’t say anything, didn’t ask questions, they just joined Hunk around Lance’s pod. Arms wrapped around each other, and Hunk didn’t know who all was holding him or who he in turn was holding but it was comfortable. Sometimes, one of them would randomly burst into tears and they morphed into a huddle around that person until they calmed down and then went back to watching and waiting. Because Lance wasn’t going to go alone through this anymore. And he wasn’t going to be permitted to hide it. And Hunk wouldn’t be the only person fighting for Lance anymore. Because they were a family.

****

Lance fell out of the pod and suddenly there was a thousand people holding him and it felt so good but everything was screaming that they could feel what he’d done, they’d feel the ribs and they’d stop him, he had to get away.

He laughed, distancing himself from the embraces of his loved ones. It was only the six people on the ship, not a thousand but still the room might as well have been overflowing for how his skin suddenly flushed hot with shame and panic at their looks. “Hey, guys? What even happened?”

Keith’s jaw was set steely and Lance flinched slightly, expecting to get punched or something as the boy stomped up to him, glaring hard enough to burn skin. But then there was arms around him again, Keith was  _ hugging  _ him, holding him. Lance stood still, arms held out slightly, awkward as hell. Did Keith want him to hug him back? Why was Keith hugging him?

Lance glanced down at Pidge and realized he couldn’t read her expression. What was going on in her head? She was usually so straightforward, especially in her fond exasperation with him. He searched her eyes and then flicked his gaze to Hunk. And fuck was that a mistake. Hunk looked on the verge of a total mental breakdown and Lance didn’t need to guess anymore. 

He’d probably collapsed under the weight of being a total, pathetic loser and Hunk felt he had to tell everyone about Lance’s problem (it wasn’t a problem, it was fine. He was managing it. It really wasn’t like last time, this time he was in control. It wasn’t going to be as bad as last time, really. He wasn’t even hardly sick. He ate every twenty four hours! Sure it was the smallest portion on his plate and maybe he didn’t always keep it down, but he was still get bigger. And he didn’t have a scale, but he knew he was nowhere near a dangerous weight. Not like last time at all.) Lance felt suddenly like crying but he just patted Keith’s back soothingly.

Keith finally pulled away. Lance met the eyes of his friends in turn, waiting for some kind of reprimand or promise that’d be revoked later when they were just so exhausted with how thick his skull was around this whole subject. He didn’t get any of that. It was just a warm, loving solidarity. He realized there wasn’t even pity in the way they held themselves or in their eyes. Just love. 

And that’s what broke down everything. He stumbled forward, falling into maybe Hunk or Shiro; he was crying harder than he had in a very long time. Since when he first started all this because his weight had gone up so much and he was buckling under the pressure of this war, a life he couldn’t control. He was held again and the voices trying to rip him to shreds and destroy his personality were still their whispering tempting promises and threats, but the warmth was overwhelming all of it. 


End file.
